Socialist Squirrel

via email

Obama Is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want.

He Leadeth Me Beside Still Factories,

He Restoreth My Faith In The Republican Party,

He Guideth Me In The Paths Of Unemployment.

Yea, Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Bread Line, I

Shall Not Go Hungry.

Obama Has Anointed My Income With Taxes,

My Expenses Runneth Over My Income,

Surely, Poverty And Hard Living Will Follow Me All The Days

Of My Life.

The Democrats And I Will Live Forever In a Rented Room.

But I Am Glad I Am an American,

I Am Glad That I Am Free.

But I Wish I Was A Dog

And Obama A Tree.

This is from one of the blogs I regularly read from Great Britain, Cranmer. You can just exchange New Labour with Democrats.

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England, and
said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I
see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every
living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints,
saying: “You have 6 months to build the Ark before the rains commence and they
will last for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked
down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but there was no Ark.

“Noah!” the
Lord roared. “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”

“Forgive
me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit.
I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My
neighbours claim that I’ve violated the local planning laws by building the Ark
in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to Planning
Appeal for a decision.

“Then the Department of Transport demanded
advanced payment for the costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting
the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting down local trees in order
to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed
the wood to save the spotted owls - but no go!

“And when I started
gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will and violating their rights. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space. Then the Environment Agency ruled that
I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an impact study on your proposed
flood.

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building
crew.

“Immigration is checking the nationality status of most of the
people who want to work, insisting that I employ Poles and Romanians and no-one
from the British Commonwealth.

“The trades unions say I can’t use my
sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
experience.

“To make matters worse, HM Customs seized all my assets,
claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
species.

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for
me to finish this Ark.”

And the Lord took pity upon Noah. The skies
cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah
looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the
world?”

‘No,’ said the Lord.

“New Labour beat me to it.’

Just to let everyone know.

From TRM corss posted at D=S

Ha ha, I said “nuts in their mouth.”

Taxidermy Olympics Or Socialist Squirrels?

This is pretty funny, via email

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota .

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another ‘bad hair’ day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, ‘Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.’

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), said to Obama, ‘Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?’

Obama replied, ‘Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice.’

This is a great find. Archeologist have found the first Democrat.

An archeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first Democrat.

This is a pretty funny video, with lightsabers.

H/T to The Minority Report

The Vote Reaper

YES, I’M A BAD AMERICAN !!!

I Am the Liberal-Progressives Worst Nightmare.
I am an American.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I’m in touch with my feelings and I like it that way! I think owning a gun doesn’t make you a killer, it makes you a smart American. I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
I believe everyone has a rig h t to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer. I know wrestling is fake and I don’t waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I’ve never owned a slave, or was a slave. I haven’t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.

I believe if you don’t like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA .

If you were born here and don’t like it, you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass, if you’re running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull you over if you’re breaking the law, regardless of what color you are

And, no, I don’t mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it’s good … and I’m proud that ‘God’ is written on my money.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I
don’t want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I believe that it doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA !

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I’m a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.
We want our country back!!!

Too funny
Thanks to Stop the ACLU

Barack Roll

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told
theyoung, prim and proper sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown
for her fourth wedding.

‘Of course, madam,’ replied the sales clerk, ‘exactly what
type and color areyou looking for?’

The bride to be said: ‘A long frilly white dress with a veil..’

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, thensniffed andsaid, ‘Please
don’t take this the wrong way,but gowns of that natureare considered more
appropriate for brides who arebeing married the first time - for those who are a bit more
innocent, if you knowwhat I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?’

‘Well,’ replied the customer, a little peeved at the
clerk’sdirectness, ‘I can assureyou that a white gown would be quite
appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all mymarriages, I remain as innocent as
a first-time bride.. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding,
hehad a heart attack anddiedjustas we wereabout to get intimate afterchecking
into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our
way toour honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never
spoketo each other again.’

‘What about your third husband?’ asked the sales clerk.

‘That one was a Democrat,’ said the woman, ‘and every night
for four years, hejust sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was
going to be,but nothing ever happened.