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Best Blonde Joke
by stix1972 ~ May 10th, 2008
Application to be an Illegal
by stix1972 ~ May 10th, 2008Application to be an Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his Democrat Senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington D.C. 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I’m writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, an illegal alien needs to have been in the United States for five years. If he then wishes to become a citizen he needs only to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before others figure out the advantages.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $ 2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively; This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as ‘in-state’ tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those annoying car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
David Gillon
Burlington, IA
Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Bad day at Hallmark
by stix1972 ~ May 10th, 2008Bad day at Hallmark
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day………
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
M y tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire…
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H eard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don’t fret about it…
She moved in with me.
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L ooking back over the years
That we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder…
‘What the hell was I thinking?’
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C ongratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
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H ow could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
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I ‘ve always wanted to have
Someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After having met you ..
I’ve changed my mind.
————————————– ———————————————————-
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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A s the days go by, I think of how lucky I am…
That you’re not here to ruin it for me.
####################################################
C ongratulations on your promotion.
Before you go.
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You’ll probably need it again.
********************************************************************************
H appy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H appy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
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W hen we were together,
You always said you’d die for me.
Now that we’ve broken up,
I think it’s time you kept your promise.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
W e have been friends for a very long time .
let’s say we stop?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ‘m so miserable without you
it’s almost like you’re here.
=====================================================
C ongratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Y our friends and I wanted to do
Something special for your birthday.
So we’re having you put to sleep.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
S o your daughter’s a hooker,
And it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it’s really good pay
by stix1972 ~ May 10th, 2008
If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) you might have seen the following poster.
Now honestly, would you have quit drinking?
